Being Tested; The Reactive Cancer Patient

I’ve put off writing about me for awhile. It’s easier to talk about potential cures or treatments or research than reality. A day of testing last Thursday started not so great and ended worse.

The bad reaction to the contrast material that I took via mouth and by IV for the CT scan started the ball rolling and took the next three days to approach being back to normal. There was great broiling bubbling and rejection from my digestive system, lasting well into Sunday. It was like sitting on the stove set on slow simmer.

It was all I could do to go from bathroom to bed, and back again, but I made few forays out to do this and that with my family, an odd display of bravado and stupidity.

That’s before my immune system took over and the skin eruptions and itching began. Maybe my body really does not want to be diagnosed. Sometimes my mind joins the body in that camp.

Such a shame that all this time was wasted sleeping, sick to my stomach, sleeping, in the bathroom, while I’d intended to be doing research for my upcoming visit to Georgetown which I hope will be - or might be - the place that provides the answers to my questions.

I like research because it gives me a feeling as if I can control at least something abut this disease: it’s knowledge.

Maybe the hardest part is not just not knowing what’s happening but having no control. And feeling in control is a big part of positive outcomes in cancer. Understanding the control issues is one of the hard parts makes me more sure I need to add control to my life.

I've given up more control in the past ten years than I thought possible. Taking stock of things I can control is appropriate now. If I can just get some guidance on global issues of treatment I'd feel a lit more in control though.

Perhaps tomorrow  at Georgetown I'll get a sense of what's possible to do.  I understand this doc is too busy to treat me. But she's supposed to be smart. Maybe she's the one to help me put the pieces together.  One can pray.

Comments

[Eden Spodek]

Susan, I know you were going through a rough time as a result of the tests. I hope the doctor at Georgetown was able to answer your questions. You're right, knowledge is power and does help you gain control of an otherwise confusing and difficult situation. Hope you had a better week.