Sticks and Stones; the Quality of Life

When I woke up most days last week everything hurt. It got worse as the week went on and I rolled up more and more into myself, interacting less and feeling worse.

I'm an analyzer by nature. A looker, an observer.

So it was natural to ask myself a question. Given that waking up hurting is absolutely normal for me, what was it about this week that threw me so hard?

Glancing at a run-down of the week, Valentines day was coming up with its guarantee of chocolate and flowers. And I had on the schedule a visit with some really nice guys that I was looking forward to talking with, Jonny Goldstein and Scott Stead.  

What was hurting was something I couldn't point to on an anatomy chart. 

It goes back a few weeks to when someone I've known for more than a few years, before twitter, said to me:

Bet you're already tired of the phrase, "quality of life."

Um . . Actually I  wasn't tired of that phrase.

Because no one had said the words to me.  Or if they did I had not heard them; willingly or unwillingly I can't be sure of my ears' filtering ability.

It's possible that I could have put it out of my mind and had no memory of it. But I really don't believe that anyone had opined on how I was affected by the phrase quality of life.

And though these are only words, until your own life is an issue the words have little meaning.

So what did it mean?

I can't speculate beyond that it was careless and didn't mean much. But that said, it's just reality that some people must wonder why some of us chose to hang around with all this crap going on with our bodies.

Today I can put it in perspective. On February first apparently it struck a nerve.

Only words.

People say sometimes they don't know what words to use to talk to those with any illness, cancer or whatever it is. I understand that, truly I do. And we all want to be talked to.

But yes, there are some things that are better offered directly, in a note of support, surrounded with words of reassurance. For some things, the 140 characters twitter offers just won't do.

And it's true. No matter how we're taking it, or seem to be, there are emotions - sometimes even hormones connected with the cancer or the treatment - involved.  So a quip opining that anyone with a terminal illness is probably sick of hearing about their quality of life might not be the best idea.

Because how will you feel if they respond: "You are the first person who as talked about my Quality of Life."

Only words

Honestly, as sad as this is to think, it could happen that someone may decide that their quality of life is pretty lousy; that life was not worth living. Someone who is not lucky. Someone without my twitter community, my insurance, without my husband, my children, my granddaughters might not care if they didn't get up tomorrow, or next week, or next month - and take steps to hasten their departure.

Comments

[GeekMommy]

Quality of Life is a phrase I'm going to think about whenever I hear it now, my friend.

(((hug)))

Thank you for sharing this.

[mousewords]

((Hugs))

[GHBrett]

{{{Gentle but BIG HUGS}}}

From my experiences with prostate cancer (surgery, chemo (ADT), and radiation -- "Quality of Life" is a real variable that can be really great one day and slide to the pits the next. "Quality" may be emotions, feelings but also can be the physical side effects that we often don't want to talk about. As they say TMI (too much information).

Susan, you are a pioneer for this community. I have the greatest respect and admiration for what you are doing.

You are certainly enhancing some one else's "Quality of Life" by helping them learn and experience what they had little knowledge of or no model to refer to.

Thanks, - George & the Duckie