Surgeon Leaves Me With Still More Questions than Answers

This was a day I'd been waiting for for a long time. Getting to talk to the cancer surgeon, getting the real scoop about the cancer itself, getting all the details on the reports. I was apprehensive - but it would be so good to have a meeting where all the information was on the table.

Am I ever disappointed.

It's not like Dr Flax was unpleasant -  but he didn't seem like he particularly wanted to have much of an interaction with me. He had me show him my range of motion - didn't ask how I was feeling but liked that I could reach just about anyplace I wanted.

Big woop - and a lotta good that'll do me if I'm dead, I thought

Out of the exam room and back in his office he didn't have much more to say about the tests they'd done - estrogen negative and HER2 negative I already knew. The size of the tumor "impressive."

As for what he thought would happen next - other than see the oncologist - not really much to say - could be chemo, could be hormone therapy. All in all he answered my questions while using body language and a closed case file that made it clear that he was going through the motions, perhaps glad to be done for the day.

A woman at this stage of treatment has so many doubts. Isn't it this guy's job to make sure he'd reassured me, asked if I needed anything else? give me any other feedback it seemed might be helpful?  Instead, what I came away with was the name of his preferred oncologist.

And that's about all. . . except that I left feeling so disappointed that I hadn't been asked once how I was feeling.

I don't understand this at all.

But this development makes the choice of an oncologist vital; absolutely vital.

Comments

[Tojosan]

That sucks they way it sounds he behaved. I would be expecting a vote of confidence or something. Impressive? Does that mean he suspects there was inevitably more? What's that?
Hugs.

[mtkr]

As Tojosan said, that really sucks. My mom is in early stages of all this and I know how much better she felt when her surgeon really took time with her. She said she felt like she could have stayed there as long as she liked asking questions and getting good answers. She was felt so much better after meeting him. I really wish you could have had that experience. When will they teach all surgeons that patients benefit almost as much from the treatment they get in the office as the surgery they perform.

[Pamela Troeppl]

What they said. That stinks. Having a doctor with a cruddy bedside manner, one who doesn't even ask you how you're doing is unforgivable!!

My mother had the kindest, most personable oncologist and that made a world of difference. I wish the same for you m'dear.

[Toby]

Susan - I hate that after so many hours of angst your doc was didn't take "you" into consideration. Sending hugs.

[Len Edgerly]

I'm glad you blogged about this Susan. It makes me realize there is no excuse ever to blow off a fellow human, especially in circumstances as intense as this. Your ability to share your experience openly is a gift to us, and I suspect it keeps your channels of energy open and full of light. Onward. You are not alone.

[yndygo]

Hrm.
That is so sucky!! But also? Kind of to be expected from a Surgeon. They aren't exactly known for their bedside manners or their ability to reassure patients.
They cut amazingly well, and that's what they do.

That said? You've got a lot of great people around you - and believe me, it's much easier for one of them to step up and be your advocate right now than it would be for you.

Here's how the conversation goes:
"Yeah hi... this is __________, I'm calling on behalf of my friend/mother/wife Susan Reynolds. She spoke with Doctor X yesterday on a follow up regarding the mastectomy he performed on December 21st, and while we *really* appreciate what he's done, no one here is really quite clear on what happens now.
Is there someone in your office who is qualified to discuss this with Susan or me so that we can move forward feeling a bit more secure in what her status is right now and what avenues she should pursue next? Thanks."

Dealing with doctors is like dealing with bureaucrats. Assertiveness is requisite. The problem is, we're usually feeling our least assertive when we're the patient... and so they usually skate off like this guy did.

((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))))))

You need to lean back a bit and let some of these amazing folks around you be your voice for a bit.

[Glenda Watson Hyatt]

Susan, sorry to hear your doc's appointment was less than informative. Been there, done that. I wonder why some people become doctors. But as Dad puts it - when you are on the table, do yo want a great surgeon or someone with good bedside manners. At times both would be nice! Hope the oncologist is more forthcoming.

[Daisy]

Susan, I'm so sorry to hear this. I've been in Communications classes with some folks who volunteer at hospitals and they often talk about how they try to workshop with new doctors about how to communicate bad news [and good for that matter.] I don't think it's something that is really included in all their years of school and residencies and it should be!

[Lynette Radio]

Susan that *SUCKS*. Doctors with no 'bedside manners' really suck. I swear they should weed those folks out at med school. And if they've lost their passion for helping people - which is hopefully why they choose to be doctors in the first place - they need to find a new profession.

Good for you that you are an active participant in your life and health care. Not a lot of people are, they just blindly do what doctors say and never think or question or discuss. You ROCK!

[sandra]

There are doctors with terrific personalities and compassion. You just have to find them and you deserve to find them. Best of luck.

[Christine]

Hello Susan, My prayer for you is that you find the perfect oncologist for you. Most gratefully, mine was one who when I finished the 5-year regimen of tamoxifen (that was 8 thankful years ago), answered when I asked "Now is there anything else to do?" "No, you've done your time." But if you'd like to make an appt to see me from time to time, that would be great too. I love to see my patients doing well." She is a woman. My surgeon has great bedside manner and is a man. Bestest of luck! Keep on keeping on, Susan.

[Christine]

Hello Susan, My prayer for you is that you find the perfect oncologist for you. Most gratefully, mine was one who when I finished the 5-year regimen of tamoxifen (that was 8 thankful years ago), answered when I asked "Now is there anything else to do?" "No, you've done your time." But if you'd like to make an appt to see me from time to time, that would be great too. I love to see my patients doing well." She is a woman. My surgeon has great bedside manner and is a man. Bestest of luck! Keep on keeping on, Susan.

[KD Paine]

I'm not at all surprised. I love my surgeon to death, but he's not the guy to talk to about anything other than things you can cut up or cut out. Mine did tell me that in Europe they've had as much success with uvectomies as with chemo -- but since I had a harder time with surgery than with anything else, I opted for chemo. Not sure where you're going for your oncologist but he/she is really the go-to person for what happens next. Mine explained all the options, the odds and and the trade off between reducing the chance of recurrence and the degree of suffering I'd go thru. If yours doesn't let me know and I'll put you in touch with someeone who will. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

[Allyson]

Susan:
My sister went through the same exact thing with some of her doctors. When you are going through such a scary time, the worst thing to deal with is a doctor who brushes you off and does not take the time ask you how you are feeling and answer your questions. I agree with what yndygo said about having someone act as your advocate during these meetings. Sometimes you need to be really aggressive and vocal with these doctors or else they just spend 3 minutes with you and they walk out the door. The meeting with the oncologist should give you the answers you need. And remember to get 2-3 oncologists opinions too.

[Whymommy]

Susan, want to talk docs? I have fabulous surgeon and fabulous medical oncologist in downtown D.C. Will be happy to share names offline if you want to consider. My medical oncologist (she who delivers chemo) is so amazing and so compassionate. Soft spoken but sheer power inside. And has worked amazing miracles with me. Happy to share if you want to consult with her as a second opinion....