2AM Monday : Thinking About Reconstruction
The diagnosis was straightforward. My new friend the radiologist asked: "Can I tell you?"
But I already knew. Somehow - I knew before that moment.
The path of what to do was so clear. I had to go through the motions; interact with the doctors; ask about the tests; be calm. Go to the next step.
That was then. A week and a world away. All day I've been thinking about it - but putting off writing about it.
"Breast cancer, the second-leading cause of cancer deaths in American women, is the disease women fear most. Experts predict 178,000 women will develop breast cancer in the United States in 2007" Breast cancer - MayoClinic.com
The fear surrounds the whole process, especially at this point.
Because this appointment I have tomorrow is different. This time I have to be knowledgeable. I have to know
reconstruction varies. I have to know that there are consequences I'll live with. I need to be sure I have the right person; be sure I understand the plan; take my time; know my options.
Technically the options arent so hard to understand and it seems rather straightforward that the so called "flap" surgeries suit me better than stretching skin and adding an implant I don't want in my body.
But they are complex processes I'm not sure are widely practiced and I'm not sure the reconstructive surgeon I'm meeting with is qualified to do either.
I just don't know enough. I'll soon find out.
Considering I'm not a doctor it may be odd that I do seem to think I know what's a good option for me.
But will I think I'm so smart in six months or six years?
If I'm very confident in this potential part of the surgical team and very reassured tomorrow I'll schedule surgery. If not, I'll wait. I'm on a quest to be sure I'm doing what's best for me - or at least make as good a decision as I can at this moment
It's a good thing I've got ambien. Going to sleep naturally is not an option tonight.
Susan, I am so so sorry to hear your news. What an incredibly tough thing to go through. You know that we are all here with you supporting you as much as we cans. There will be dark times and tough days -- but you are an amazing woman who will be able to make it through. Best Wishes, devBear
Posted by: devBear | Dec 17, 2007 at 07:05 AM
My heart and prayers are with you, dear friend...
Posted by: Marti | Dec 17, 2007 at 07:11 PM
You are researching and learning to prepare yourself for the questions that will be asked and need to be answered. By doing this you are educating all of us and making so many people aware of the importance of taking care of ourselves.
Your peas are making a big ripple on the Internet pond...who knew that peas could be used for more than an ice pack? :o)
Hugs to you
Posted by: Ann | Dec 18, 2007 at 08:46 AM
Susan, Im so sorry to hear your diagnosis and want you to know my thoughts and prayers are with you! This is a manageable disease and one that is quite survivable. My best friend went through this and elected the same reconstruction process about which you've written. It's difficult but so awesome! She's an 11 year survivor now and has been blessed with a little girl since. God is a wonder worker and with Him, all things indeed are possible!
Keep the faith!
Hugs to you,
Lissa B
Posted by: Lissa | Dec 19, 2007 at 07:13 AM
I'm just a guy, but I've had the pleasure in living with a woman who has faced cancer TWICE! I want to tell you that a mastectomy is not the worst of it! She survived this, and the reconstuction to follow before I met her. The lung cancer we have endured has also been defeated! Keep on keeping on!
Posted by: MïK Watson | Dec 20, 2007 at 12:30 AM