Boobs On Ice™

Arimidex Bites the Dust as a Brain Fog Excuse

In September 2007 I had a small stroke, so sometimes I can blame my kind of spotty memory on that. Fibromyalgia syndrome, a chronic illness I've had for over a decade, is famous for causing brain fog, so that's a handy excuse too. Other days I say it's because I had four kids. All my brain cells exploded out my head during their teen years. 

Then take my husband. But that's an old joke.

In any case you can only use the same reason so many times. So about six months ago I tried adding a new excuse for my brain drain.

I started taking Arimidex, an anti-tumor medication that sucks up every tiny bit of estrogen left in my body, with the hope of keeping those pesky invasive cancer cells from growing. Arimidex comes with a list of side effects that "should be expected" that's as long as my arm.

I'm not getting any cooperation from the researchers when it comes to pointing fingers, however.

"BRIGHTON, England, Sept. 3 In postmenopausal women at high risk for breast cancer, two years of prophylaxis with an aromatase inhibitor did not lead to cognitive impairment, according a placebo-controlled study.

"Scores on tests of cognitive function did not differ at any time point between patients treated for 24 months with anastrozole (Arimidex) or placebo, Valerie A. Jenkins, D.Phil., of the University of Sussex, and colleagues reported online in Lancet Oncology.

"Similar numbers of patients in each group reported changes in memory after six months, and the number of affected patients decreased to a handful by the end of the study."

Great. I don't remember this story tomorrow I can't blame taking Arimidex. We're back to my poor unsuspecting children.

Bonds Build Lives - the Joy of Days

I was talking with my son Ryan today. We talked about how much being involved with the grandson he'll add to the family in August is important to me. We're talking about ways to make those connections happen before baby Reily gifts us with his presence.

Not many people know that I'll do pretty much anything to keep from talking about anything that's important but hurtful to me. I've got walls ten feet high and a foot thick. But it's just a reality that has to be faced that since I've gotten cancer I have little interaction with my two  granddaughters who live close by.

My son though lives a long way away and spent a long time overseas. We have not lived close to each others for almost a decade but even without being a parent he seems on some level to understand what a deep connection I feel for my children. And he somehow knows that his that soon to be born little boy of his presents an opportunity for joy which will add years to my life. . . or maybe he just believes that I believe it.

Even as I'm able to walk less, I want to see Reily learn to walk. I look forward to him crawling ot toddling to me, then up in my lap for a cuddle and a giggle. I want to play cars on the floor. I even want to hear his mom and dad tell us we can't make ALL the cereal boxes in the house into buildings for our town.

Yes, I admit that those things are probably more important to me because I do have cancer. I do have less years in my future than I thought I would. I'm told it's not likely that I'll go to a grandchild's high school graduation.

But there are days that I CAN enjoy that mean more than I would have understood they would. And maybe the days and the connections we somehow build will mean more to the children if they know how much joy it brings to nana. I can pray. And I can tell them over and over how much it means to me.

Lost to Heaven: Another Mother with Cancer

We've lost another of our Cancer Sisterhood, April who wrote the blog One Mother with Cancer  April dealt with her cancer, treatment, relapse, etc with grace and a smile.

Why twitter?

I'm cross-posting this from the Artsy Asylum blog because it deals with communication, which leads me to think of support, and both turn out to be fairly important for cancer patients.

An insightful reader named Karen wrote a comment on my last post about twitter, Oprah and Ashton Kutcher among others. And she made some excellent points. For example she wondered if twitter was a bit like walking around with shirts displaying our latest emoticon. Which sometimes we are in fact.

Karen and others who wonder about twitter are not alone. There are lots of negatives about twitter, especially if one uses it to constantly bombard us with links to their newest blog post, something they want to sell, or their latest "opportunity." (or cures in the case of the cancer community)

Then there's the old joke that we tweet each time the cat turns over. OK, some of that's true.

But there are those of us who use it as a way to communicate and converse and we find it very helpful. Yes, even if it's just about the cat, we are connecting with people on the other end of the magic box, and doing it in little bits as we have a moment. Like a quick comment across an office or a short group conversation, twitter fills a need for many.

Unfortunately twitter can also be used as a billboard to blast information out without engaging in a back and forth. Lots of big names use it as a way to tell people they've just bought a new BMW or had lunch with another of the beautiful people. Apparently their fans like it, as many of them have hundreds of thousands of followers; see Britney Spears & others. In fact there is a special feed just for celebrity tweets.

I think that's kind of not the point of twitter, but opinions vary.

My experience is that for the most part twitter is much more personal than that billboard Karen wondered about. Not everybody sees what you tweet unless you have millions of followers like Oprah and Ashton Kutcher - although if folks have superhuman reading speed perhaps they can read your and all other tweets streaming down the public timeline

If you're even more concerned with just communicating with a very select group you have the option to set your account to be private & only let people that you actually know follow  ( in other words people will never see your tweets unless you give them the OK.)

In any case, the only people who wind up paying attention are those who subscribe or "follow" you. It's not as if everyone is interested unless they see from your profile that you have something in common. Often you start off connecting w/ people you know in real life.

Beyond that, attracting kind of followers you want is not always easy. So it may be that broadcasting via the twitter billboard may not be an automatic success some would hope.

In my case, it's been a surprising experience for me. Specifically the support I got from twitter right after my breast cancer diagnosis was just astounding. My real life neighbors didn't do as much as send a card. Twitter people - complete strangers - wrapped me up and held me in a virtual hug.

You can read more about the phenomenon of twitter the frozen pea images that flooded twitter here in a Washington Post article and see an article from Robert Scoble about Peas on Earth.

Twitter is not for everyone and there are many other options that may meet different people's need. But after my personal experience with twitter, with how I've seen others benefit themselves and others as they reach out share experiences, fears and emotions, I can't say enough good stuff about the concept of sharing my emoticons too :)

Remembering the Light of Lisa Kelly

When I met Lisa Kelly in late 2007 she was swearing. Justifiably furious about her ordeal with cancer diagnosis and treatment; disappointed in her level of medical care; afraid of what lie ahead; she thought she had beaten the disease but was raw from what she had been through.

Meanwhile, busy playing serene Frozen Pea princess, distracting myself with outreach, stupidly sure that I had a handle on what was happening with my own cancer and generally not understanding diddly squat, I made Lisa one of my favorite "adoptees".

Regardless of my cluelessness, Lisa took it in stride as I roped her into groups; recruited her for the Mothers With Cancer blog; and introduced her to "just one more thing" she didn't need to be taking on. She didn't swear at me even once. That alone had to take self control.

Over the past year we both had setbacks and surprises; ups and downs. As I struggled emotionally she showed amazing strength and will. Mother, wife, friend, truth teller and medical knowledge compendium, she battled when she could and gracefully accepted reality as cancer took its course. Through it all, she was one tough cookie.

Lisa lost her battle with cancer on Friday February 27, 2009 a little before midnight.

Somehow I imagine we'll get through the loss of the funny, smart, irreverent soul that was Lisa; perhaps by remembering the blessing that is her new freedom from pain.

In my struggle to accept the shortened lifespan I've been dealt, I'll do my best to let Lisa - who was young enough to be my daughter - guide me in putting it in perspective. No way can I ever hope to do it as well as she did.

And if she doesn't have a special place in heaven tonight there's something wrong with the system.